Let’s talk about sexualised clothing as we get a lot of questions about it in my free Facebook sex education group for parents, that parent group. Questions like, ‘My child wants to wear crop tops and have their tummy exposed’, or ‘My teen wears clothes that belong in a nightclub (not at the supermarket)’.
It’s a changing world, where children are constantly being bombarded with sexualised messages in the media from a very young age. Plus marketers have worked out that sexualising toys and clothes equals more sales. And there is a growing movement that says women shouldn’t have to change the way they dress, and that men should be changing their behaviour instead. ‘Slut shaming’ is a problem in society and we don’t allow it in this group.
As a parent, it can be very challenging when children are in a hurry to grow up and want to wear clothing that you feel is inappropriate or too grown up. It can feel as if you are walking a thin line, where you want to keep them safe but you don’t want to give them negative messages about their body, clothing and sexuality.
Expressing themself through clothing is also an important developmental stage that children will go through, where they work out who they are and how they fit into the world. This means they will go through a stage of following the crowd, dressing and acting like their peers.
What can you do as a parent?
If your child wants to be wearing clothing like their friends, be curious. Ask them what they want to wear, what will it mean if they do this (or don’t do this), how will it make them feel, what will be different for them, etc. Explore their feelings and share yours with them. And is this more about them fitting in and feeling like they belong, feeling grown up or are they developing their own style.
Think about your fears. What will it mean if they wear sexualised clothing? To you and to them? What are the pros and cons?
Is there a way to meet them halfway, where you allow them a little freedom but still keep them safe or dressed in a way that works with your values.
At the end of the day, do what is right for your family. It is your family and your values, so bring up your children in a way that works for you.