How to Talk to your Muslim Child About Sex by Firoza Osman

A sex education book for Muslim parents.

Hi, I’m Cath Hakanson, and welcome to Sex Ed Rescue. Sex Ed Rescue is my website, which is where I help parents define a better way to talk to their kids about sex, which is why I’m reviewing you in this book. So this book is written by Firoza Osman, and she actually lives in Canada. And the book is called how to Talk to Your Muslim Child About Sex. Now, the reason I found this book was because a parent from my Facebook group, that parent group, that parent group emailed me and said, hey, can you suggest some resources for talking to my kids?

And she told me that she bought this book. So I got the name from her and I ordered it because I helped parents from all over the world. And I’m a big believer that it doesn’t matter what your values are. We can have open, honest and positive conversations with our kids about love, sex, and relationships. And a lot of parents struggle with having conversations that are positive and encompassing the world that we live in, but still sharing their values, but understanding that the world has changed.

So I was really pleased to find this book because I have a lot of Muslim parents who read my emails and they’re in my Facebook group. So I’ve been on the lookout for books. So I now have a book list on the website, which are books that you can read with your child. But I really wanted a book that would help his parents. I was really impressed with his book as I was reading it.

Sometimes you read people’s books and you go, wow, that’s the sort of thing I’d say. So I really felt like Firoza was a kindred spirit because her approach to sexuality is very similar to mine in regards to it’s all based on connection and conversation with your kids. And how can you expect your kids to understand your values and your beliefs if you’re not communicating it? But also it’s not just a matter of telling your kids what your values are, explaining why. So it was just fantastic to see that message in here.

So I’m just going to show you hopefully you can’t hear my dog who has a problem and likes to bark every time I do a video. So the book, I don’t know how many hours it would have taken for Firosa to write this, but it’s very comprehensive and it’s fantastic. So first chapter is about the challenges of raising children in a digital world. Firoza is also a parent herself and has worked in schools and does workshops with Muslim kids. So the book is based on experience, which is really nice to see.

And I can see that as I was reading the book, that this wasn’t just someone who is an academic writing something. This is someone who’s been out there in the field writing and working with kids. So it’s about picking your battles. It’s talking about the sexualisation of the world, talking about gender specific issues in regards to gaming and porn, social media, school environments, peer group stuff, drugs, alcohol, and then Muslim specific challenges. And then the second chapter is all about building connection with your children.

So it talks about parenting styles and then connection with to our itself and the family as well. And then how and when to talk about sex. So she goes into the principles of sex education, talks about sexual development, which is so good to see coming from a teaching background. Well, yeah, part of understanding healthy sex or healthy child development is a part of what we do. Puberties in there, menstruation or periods, erections, wet dreams, or nocturnal emissions.

It’s such a horrible term for such a thing. But anyway, one day they might change it. But anyway, nocturnal emissions, conception and fertilisation contraception, STIs are in there. Masturbation, oral, anal sex, pornography, the Islamic view on sexuality. And it’s all very positive in this book, petting, halal, dating, love versus infatuation and healthy relationships.

And it’s just a lovely summary at the end of it. I really liked this book. I read it. I’m not Muslim, but I read the book from start to finish and I felt supported the whole way through. And I felt that the messages were very positive.

A lot of parents struggle with wanting to know how to have these conversations, but to also encompass their value. And I guess this is the thing that we always have to remember when talking with our kids is that yes, we give them facts, but we’re not just giving them facts, we’re also telling them how we feel about something, what our thoughts are about something, and that’s applying those values in there. At the end of the day, kids make their own decisions and they make their own values. But if we can provide them with guidance by sharing how we feel about stuff, I guess that acts as the beak. And I often think that we’re often the Lighthouse and the kids are navigating that ocean.

They’re getting lots of different messages or they’re running into lots of other things out there. But we’re that Lighthouse or the beacon and we’re providing with that guiding light. And we’re telling them that, yes, this is one direction to go, but there’s also all these other directions as well. And at the end of the day they’ll decide if they want to go that direction or a different direction. I may not be describing that very well, but anyway, we can’t expect kids to have similar values to us or to follow our belief if we’re not talking about them.

And that’s why we need to be having these conversations. So if you’re Muslim or follow Islam, this is a really good resource. I’ve got a friend that I usually throw all my books to, the Muslim books that I’ve been buying lately. I’ve been chucking them to her because she’s Muslim and she has lots of friends that she can forward the books onto. But I’m actually going to keep this book because I actually really liked it and I think it’s a book that I want to refer back to.

So if you know of any books that are helpful for talking to kids from an Islam perspective, please do let me know because I want to try to get some better resources together to help support you as you go through navigating these conversations yourself with your own children. But this is just a fantastic book, a really good book to guide you and to give you ideas about how to how to incorporate your values with positive conversations.