Engage your children with sex education: Ask kids questions

There are many ways to start teaching sex education to your child, and one of the simplest ways is to ask kids questions that’ll lead into a sex ed conversation.

In this blog post, you’ll learn how to get started with this strategy and find ideas to start sex-ed conversations.

You’ll find more information about sex education in my Sex Education 101 page. And you can find more strategies for starting sex education conversations (like this) in my list of ideas on how to teach sex education in the family home.

Let’s get started!

How to get started

Another great strategy for starting a conversation with your child (about sex) is by asking them a question. 

They might respond with just a brief comment, or it might lead to a conversation. Or they might ignore you, or grunt an acknowledgment (which means the conversation goes no further). But it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’ve talked, and your child has received the unspoken message that they can talk to you about these things. And that is what really matters!

Here’s an example of some simple questions you could use to start a conversation:

• ‘Why do you think that person has a big tummy?’ [pointing out a pregnant person]
• ‘How could you tell someone that you liked them?’ 
• ‘What could you do if your period started at school?’

You’re going to have more success with this strategy if your child is already used to you asking them questions about other things. So, try to start the habit of casually asking your child questions throughout the day. The emphasis is on casual. You don’t want your child to feel as if they are being interrogated!

Tips for asking questions

When asking questions, they can be direct or indirect.

Direct questions can sometimes make you (and your child) feel uncomfortable. For example, ‘Do you know what sex is?’ (DIRECT QUESTION) 

Whereas indirect questions are great for starting conversations about topics that are difficult for you (and/or them). For example, ‘Have you heard your friends talking about sex?’ (INDIRECT QUESTION)

If you can, try to ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions will keep the conversation going because they can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. Which means your child has to give a more detailed response. So instead of asking them, ‘Do you know what sex is?’, try asking, ‘How much do you know about sex?’ instead.

One trick for asking questions is to try talking about someone else before you ask the question. This relates your question to something they have recently experienced. Plus it helps to make your question feel more natural and conversational. For example, you might say, ‘Hey, I saw Toby’s mum today! I didn’t realise she was pregnant. Do you know how a baby is made?’. It also helps to draw the attention away from them and makes them less likely to feel as if they aren’t under the spotlight. For example, ‘Sally’s mum told me that some of the girls are starting to wear training bras. Is that something that you might want to start wearing?’

Another thing you can try is to start the conversation by talking about someone else. You might be updating your child about something that happened today. For example, ‘I was at the book shop today and ran into Dave’s mum. She was looking at puberty books. Have you looked at the book that I bought you?’

If your child isn’t responding to your questions, don’t force it. This is a lifetime of conversations, so there is no great rush. Sometimes, the timing is just not right or your child may not be in the mood to talk about it. Respect that and try again later on. Don’t give up though, as maybe they need time to get used to you asking sex ed related questions. 

Sometimes it can be easier if there is no eye contact. Sitting across the table from a parent may make some children feel uncomfortable. Instead, use activities like bike riding, taking a walk, or driving in the car as opportunities for conversation.

Try to keep the tone of the conversation light and casual or your child might stop talking if you use this time for teaching, correcting, criticism or unfriendly sarcasm. Stay away from lecturing and try to keep it conversational.

Keep things simple. When getting started, keep your questions simple and conversational. Pick a topic that is less threatening (or embarrassing), like consent instead of sex. Start off simple and try to ask them one ‘sex ed’ question per week.

Ideas for starting questions

Here’s some ideas for starting your questions:

• Can you tell me… 
• Do you think… 
• Do you have any idea… 
• I was wondering… 
• Have you heard… 
• Can you remember… 
• Do you happen to know… 
• What do you and your friends think of… 
• What do most kids at school think of…

Or you could ask questions starting with the words: who, what, where, how and which.

I hope you find that helpful for teaching sex education to your child.

Happy talking!
❤️ Cath

More sex education resources