Gender expression | Transgender, non-binary and gender diverse children

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photo of Felicity St John

This blog post is a part of the resource – Supporting Transgender, Non-binary and Gender diverse Children & Young People, created by Felicity St John and Felicity’s collaborator and fellow Master of Sexology student Lindsay SmithFelicity, during a placement with Sex Ed Rescue in 2024.

Felicity St John has a Master of Sexology (Professional) with Distinction and a Bachelor of Human Services – Child and Family Studies. She currently works for an NGO as a supervisor of four practitioners, coaching and case managing families facing complex challenges. Felicity also offers professional development and consultancy. Her professional interest areas are sex education, puberty, LGBTQI+ people, child development, transgender/non-binary/gender-diverse people, relationship coaching, family coaching, and parenting psychoeducation. Felicity has a passion for supporting people to step into their capacity. When she’s not working Felicity loves to laugh, play, be with loves ones, rock climb, SUP board, explore nature, read, write, hike, cycle, swim, and laze about like a cat. You can contact Felicity via email.

‘I feel that as our daughter transitioned to our son, the path was a little easier.  Most of the kids we know dress androgynously so I don’t think people really stare or comment as much. Our friend who is now a trans-woman feels a lot of social pressure around how to dress and behave. Overall, I think we move in very inclusive social groups, and I am very glad about that.’ 
– Stephanie (mother of an 18yo trans man)

My teenager tells me he’s a boy, but sometimes he wears nail polish. What’s up with that?

Gender identity is different from gender expression.

Gender expression ‘is the representation of gender as expressed through one’s name, pronouns, clothing, hairstyle, behaviour, voice, or similar characteristics’ (NYC Human Rights). Both cisgender and trans people use gender expression.

Transgender/non-binary/gender-diverse (TGD) people can use outward expression to experience, communicate, and explore their gender. 

When a person expresses themself in clothes/hairstyles/makeup/mannerisms, which that culture associates with being a boy/man, this may be referred to as a masculine expression or masc. When a person expresses themself in clothes/hair/makeup/mannerisms, which that culture associates with being a girl/woman, this may be referred to as a feminine expression or femme. 

What is considered masculine or feminine is not a given and can differ across cultures. Neutral gender expression exists, too. As does gender non-conforming, gender fluid, and non-binary expression. 

On any given day, the gender expression of a TGD person may match what others expect to see for that gender. For example, a trans woman in a blouse, pencil skirt, heels and makeup. At other times, a TGD person may dress outside of what others expect to see for that gender, like your son with his nail polish. 

I am cisgender. I was assigned female at birth (AFAB) and my gender is woman. Say one day I wear a boxy business suit, tie, shiny tie-up flat business shoes, a crew cut hairstyle, no make-up, and un-tweezed eyebrows. Our culture associates this with being a man. My gender remains unchanged by how I express myself through clothes, my hair, make-up, and how I walk.

No one owes anyone else a masc presentation because they are a trans man or a femme presentation because they are a trans woman. There is no one right way to express gender.

Some people have also learned to think of non-binary gender expression as only androgynous looking. Non-binary people are not a homogenous group who dress the same way. Some non-binary people may dress in an androgynous way on any given day. Others may wear both something considered masc and something considered femme in the same outfit. Gender expression can be very individual. No one owes anyone else an androgynous presentation because they are a non-binary person.

Gender expression can be a way a TGD person can feel affirmed or even euphoric in their gender. Alok Vaid Menon is a non-binary person who uses gender expression to be themself. Alok shares ‘style is the first vocabulary I had to describe who I was on my own terms. I didn’t get a choice in the body I was given, so style was how I self-authored’. Alok also describes gender expression as a way of ‘returning home to myself’.

Some parents worry their children will experience negative comments and bullying if their gender expression doesn’t line up with their sex assigned at birth. Some parents worry their children will experience negative comments and bullying if their gender expression as a trans person doesn’t consistently line up with what the culture expects to see when they see someone that gender. Paediatrician Dr Kade Goepford, who specialises in gender-affirming care and is a non-binary person and a parent, notes, ‘We know that the number one reason that kids are bullied in school is for gender non-conforming dress or behaviour. Those girls who are too masculine or boys who are too feminine, regardless of their underlying sexual orientation or gender identity’. The problem lies not in the child who is expressing gender outside of the gender norm boxes but in the boxes themselves. Supporting a child/young person’s mental health will be addressed in another section.

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Resources

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References

  • Alok Vaid-Menon Finds Freedom in Body Hair, Mini Skirts & Dressing for Pure Joy by Closets.
  • Gender Identity/Gender Expression: Legal Enforcement Guidance by New York City Human Rights.
  • Prepubertal Social Gender Transitions: What We Know; What We Can Learn—A View 
  • From a Gender Affirmative Lens by Ehrensaft et al., 2018.
  • Sexual-Minority, Gender-Nonconforming, and Transgender Youths by Lisa M. Diamond 2013.
  • The Grey Area: Perspective of a Masculine Female by Keagan Anfuso 2024.
  • The Modern Clinician’s Guide to Working with LGBTQ+ Clients by Margaret Nichols 2021.
  • The Revolutionary Truth about Kids and Gender Identity by Dr. Kade Goepferd 2021.
  • Trans Sex by Lucie Fielding 2021.

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Felicity St John holds a Master of Sexology (Professional) with Distinction and a Bachelor of Human Services – Child and Family Studies. She supervises a team in an NGO, coaching and supporting families with complex needs, and offers professional development and consultancy. Her interests include sex education, puberty, LGBTQI+ inclusion, child development, and family coaching. Outside work, Felicity enjoys time with loved ones, outdoor adventures, and creative pursuits.
You can find Felicity at LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/felicity-st-john-726365256/