I think my child is confused | Transgender, non-binary and gender diverse children
This blog post is a part of the resource – Supporting Transgender, Non-binary and Gender diverse Children & Young People, created by Felicity St John and Felicity’s collaborator and fellow Master of Sexology student Lindsay SmithFelicity, during a placement with Sex Ed Rescue in 2024.
Felicity St John has a Master of Sexology (Professional) with Distinction and a Bachelor of Human Services – Child and Family Studies. She currently works for an NGO as a supervisor of four practitioners, coaching and case managing families facing complex challenges. Felicity also offers professional development and consultancy. Her professional interest areas are sex education, puberty, LGBTQI+ people, child development, transgender/non-binary/gender-diverse people, relationship coaching, family coaching, and parenting psychoeducation. Felicity has a passion for supporting people to step into their capacity. When she’s not working Felicity loves to laugh, play, be with loves ones, rock climb, SUP board, explore nature, read, write, hike, cycle, swim, and laze about like a cat. You can contact Felicity via email.
In January, my child told me they were non-binary, and now they are referring to themselves as a trans girl. I think they are just confused. I know I am. What’s going on?
Gender identity is not necessarily fixed. The understanding one has of their gender can develop over time as their understanding changes. For transgender and gender-diverse youth, changing how they describe their gender identity may occur. This doesn’t, however, mean they are no longer a transgender/non-binary/gender-diverse (TGD) person. It also doesn’t mean they are confused. As young people have increased access to information, language, and community, they may understand themselves in more nuanced ways. Nuance and understanding yourself more are great things.
A tip other parents of (TGD) children have shared is to go with the flow and follow the child’s lead in how they talk about themselves. Use the pronouns, gender, and name your child uses now. If that changes, switch to the pronouns and/or names they are now using, even if not much time has passed. Don’t criticise the changes. Don’t tell them they are confused. Stay connected to your child by listening to them and using the language that is authentic to them.
References
- Fluidity in Reporting Gender Identity Labels in a Sample of Transgender and Gender Diverse Adolescents and Young Adults by Ocasio et al., 2024.
- The Association between Gender Identity Fluidity and Health Outcomes in Transgender and Gender Diverse People in New Orleans and Los Angeles, USA by Ocasio et al., 2024.