Understanding sexual choking and strangulation: A guide for parents

Sexual choking or strangulation is something parents need to know about.

Why? Because increasing numbers of teens are learning about it from online porn, and are ending up with acquired brain injuries or even dying.

So it is something you need to know about, and talk about with your teenagers.

This blog post will help you to understand what sexual choking or strangulation is, why you need to talk about it and what to talk about.

If you want to learn more about other risks your child may face online, then head over to my Online Safety Risks page. You can also learn more about porn and internet safety, on my Pornography 101 page.

Let’s get started!

What is sexual choking or sexual strangulation?

Sexual choking is where someone applies pressure to your neck that partially or completely restricts airflow or blood flow to your brain during sex. It can also be called breath play, sexual strangulation or erotic asphyxiation. This pressure can be applied with one or both hands, or with a collar, rope, or clothing, like a scarf or shoelace, or by using other body parts to put pressure on the neck.

Who is doing sexual strangulation?

Australian research published in 2024, suggests that sexual choking is becoming more common amongst young people aged 18-35. They found that 57% reported being strangled by a partner during sex, whilst 51% said they had strangled their partner during sex.

Sexual strangulation is a significantly gendered practice, with 78% of transgender and non-binary people, 61% of women, and 43% of men reported ever being strangled during sex.

A large US study of university students found that 55% of transgender or non-binary people, 64% of women, and 29% of men have been choked during sex.

Further US research of university students suggest that sexual strangulation is more likely to be enacted by men, regardless of the gender of their partner, with 49% of men having choked a partner during sex, and with 25% of men having choked their partner the last time they had sex.

Why do people try sexual choking?

People try sexual choking for lots of different reasons, that include getting excited by the risk, expectations or pressure from partners or friends, hearing it’s fun, wanting to be ‘sexually adventurous’, possible pleasure and/or release of endorphins, power (dominance and submission) dynamics, or just general curiosity. 

Sometimes it can be as simple as wanting to try new things, or to make sex more fun and interesting.

Why is sexual strangulation problematic?

Choking or strangling someone, regardless of whether it’s done for a sexual reason (or not), is a risky behaviour. It is impossible to choke someone safely, and there are alwyas unpredictable short and long term risks to both people.

Choking or strangulation restricts the airways and prevents oxygen from getting to the brain, causing both short-term and long-term consequences, that include loss of consciousness, loss of voice, difficulty in swallowing or breathing, bruising, redness, haemorrhages, headaches, depression, PTSD, suicidal thoughts and death (including delayed death occurring days or weeks after the strangulation).

Strangulation has traditionally been viewed as a violent act and is recognised as assault in legal law. Plus, it is often experienced as a part of sexual violence, domestic and family violence. Consent laws may also come into play, especially if informed consent was not requested and/or given. So there may be legal consequences for young people who try sexual strangulation.

What do young people need to know about sexual choking?

So as a parent, what could you be talking about?

I think that parents should view sexual choking as another risk that all young people face, including alcohol, drugs, STIs, unplanned pregnancy, drink driving etc. Which means they need to know it’s a sexual behaviour they may see in porn, hear their peers talking about, or even see it happen (or mentioned) in movies, tv shows and music.

Young people need to understand why people try choking, and what can happen if it happens. You may also want to do an internet search together, and find out if sexual strangulation is illegal in the state or country you live in 9as it may well be). You’ll also want to chat about sexual consent, and the laws surrounding consent in your part of the world.

You may also want to talk about what they could say or do if a partner wants to try choking, or tries to choke them during sex. What if they try to pressure them into sexual choking, or try to choke them without even asking. And who they could turn to afterwards for emotional support and/or medical help. This is is where the conversation becomes tricky, as you want to reassure them that it is safe to turn to them, and that you won’t judge them. So I also like to talk about how making mistakes is common and a part of being human, and what matters is that we learn from our mistakes.

Resources about sexual choking or strangulation

The Breathless Campaign is an Australian site with lots of information for parents about sexual strangulation.

The Institute For Addressing Strangulation (IFAS) in the UK has information about the risks of sexual strangulation.

In The Know is a New Zealand site with great information for teenagers about choking and what to do about it.

It Left No Marks is an Australian site that has lots of greta information about sexual strangulation, or choking.

9-page guide to choking a partner from Paul Joannides, author of the Guide to Getting It On, who made this guide freely available because of concerns about the increased prevalence of sexual strangulation in young people.

Insight Exchange in the USA has a lot of information and resources on strangulation, including videos, podcast episodes, printables and more.

The Sexual Assault Resource Centre in WA, Australia, has an informative 2 page printable on non-fatal strangulation, and what to do if you’ve experienced it.

I hope you find this information about sexual choking or strangulation helpful.

Happy talking!
❤️ Cath