Protecting your tween or teen from sexual extortion | A parent guide

The world is a changing place, and sextortion is now one of those safety topics (like alcohol and drugs) that parents should be having with their tween and teen.

It is a risk young people face in the online world, and the best to way to prevent it from happening (or from escalating) is by conversation. Information empowers young people to make informed decisions about sharing nude pictures (of themselves). 

This blog post is designed to help parents understand what sextortion is, how it impacts teens, and what they should be talking about.

If you want to learn more about other risks your child may face online, then head over to my Online Safety Risks page. You can also learn more about porn and internet safety, on my Pornography 101 page.

Let’s get started!

What is sextortion?

Sextortion (or sexual extortion) is when someone threatens to share your nude or semi-nude images unless you pay them money not to. It is a form of blackmail and can also include forcing them to provide more images or sexual favours. 

Sextortion may also be referred to as online sexual coercion and extortion of children.

How does sextortion happen?

Sextortion happens online, through messages, chats or emails on their phone, handheld tablet, laptop or computer. 

The perpetrator (person who is doing the sextortion) will usually pretend to be a child themselves, or they will hack into accounts and pretend to be someone the child knows. 

They will approach children through online sites, like social media, messenger services (like Discord or Whatsapp), or through online gaming platforms (like Roblox or Minecraft).

They’ll start a conversation, groom them and encourage them to move their chat with them to an end-to-end encrypted platform (so they can’t be traced and caught by police). They’ll pressure them into taking and sharing nude or semi-nude pictures or videos. Once the perpetrator has the images, they will then start to blackmail them for money or more pictures, or they’ll share the images with their family or friends. 

Are there any warning signs to look out for?

Some signs may indicate your child is being targeted. 

These include:

• finding pornography on your child’s computer
• your child receiving phone calls from people you do not know
• your child calling numbers you do not recognise
• your child spending a large amount of time on the internet
• your child receiving gifts or mail from people you do not know
• your child changing the screen or turning the computer off when you enter the room
• your child becoming withdrawn or displaying behavioural problems. This includes unexplained increase in levels of fear, anxiety or anger
• a drop in your child’s school performance or grades
• self-harming ideations or actions
• unexplained sense of urgency to leave home or meet someone

Who is at risk of sextortion?

Boys are more likely to experience sextortion, with statistics showing that over 90% of the victims in reported sextortion cases are boys. It’s thought that boys often mistakenly believe they are engaged in a mutual exchange of sexual images, which then results in sexual extortion for financial gain.

Research also suggests that boys are less likely (than girls) to tell a parent or adult, possibly stemming from shame and the stigma of being a victim of sexual abuse. Societal expectations also don’t help, as boys are expected to strong and brave, and to not show vulnerability or distress. Cognitively, teen boys are more susceptible to impulsivity and risky behaviour, therefore they are more likely to risk sharing photos that can be used for blackmail.

What should I do if my child is being threatened?

Here’s what you can do if your child is being threatened. It’s important to stay calm, not overreact and be approachable and understanding. Reassure your child that it’s not their fault, and that help is available.

Collect evidence

You’ll need to collect evidence of the sextortion. Take screenshots of where and when the threat was made. This article will show you how to collect evidence, (including how to take screenshots on different devices). 

Stop contact with blackmailer

Make sure your child stops communicating with the blackmailer, and that they are blocked across all accounts where your child was targeted. You can also report what’s happened to the online platform on which it happened. 

Report it

If your child is under the age of 18, then any nude or semi-nude pictures of them are seen as child sexual abuse material, which is illegal in most countries and states around the world. Do an internet search to see who your local authority is for the reporting of child sexual abuse material, and report it. If there is an immediate risk to your child, contact the police.

Metropolitan Police in the UK have an advice sheet on what to do if you are a victim of sextortion. You could also visit CEOP as they can assist with online abuse of children under the age of 18 (and sextortion is abuse).

Think U Know in Australia have created an online blackmail and sexual extortion response kit for 13 to 17 year olds. 

If you live in the USA, you can contact your local FBI field office, call 1-800-CALL-FBI, or report it online at tips.fbi.gov.

Don’t pay

Although it’s tempting to pay money in hope that it’ll stop, blackmailers usually continue asking for more money. The best thing to do, is to stop all communication and not pay.

If you’ve already paid them money, don’t pay any more, as money won’t make the problem go away. Read this article for advice on how to cancel money transfers to blackmailers.

Support your child

You may need to seek mental health support if your child needs it. Remind them that it’s not their fault, even if they shared the intimate content with them in the first place – anyone can experience sextortion.

What if it’s too late? And their pictures have already been shared?

If nude or semi-nude pictures of your child have already been shared, then there are ways to have the images removed.

Governments around the world view nude and semi-nude pictures as child sexual abuse material, which means there is usually always legislation to enforce its removal. They’ve also created free online services where parents and young people can report sextortion and have the images removed.  Most online platforms have agreed to participate as they have a duty of care to their users.

What do I need to talk about?

The best way to protect your tween or teen is by information, as ignorance leaves your child vulnerable and unprotected.

Don’t forget though, that it should be many conversations. One conversation won’t prepare and protect your child.

Thorn in the USA have a fantastic resource for parents about how to teach kids to stay safe online. They have discussion guides on a wide range of different topics, such as sextortion, grooming, pressure to send nude pictures, and more. Here’s a link to their discussion guide on how to prevent and respond to sextortion.

The FBI in the USA also share three 30 second conversations that parents could have with their tween or teen. I’ll share them below:

The New Version of Don’t Talk to Strangers. 

• When you’re online, has anyone you don’t know ever tried to contact or talk to you?
• What did you do or what would you do if that happened?
• Why do you think someone would want to reach a kid online?
• You know, it’s easy to pretend to be someone you’re not online and not every person is a good person. Make sure you block or ignore anything that comes in from someone you don’t know in real life.

The Power of a Picture

• Has anyone you know ever sent a picture of themselves that got passed around school or a team or club?
• What’s possible anytime you send someone a picture?
• What if that picture were embarrassing?
• Can you think about how someone could use that kind of picture against a person?

I’m Here to Help

• I read an article today about kids being pressured to send images and video of their bodies to a person they met online. Have you ever heard about anything like that?
• Sometimes they were being threatened and harassed—scary stuff.
• You know, if you are ever feeling like something is going on—online or off—that feels scary or wrong or over your head, my first concern is going to be helping you. You can always come to me.

Have a read of this article about sextortion in The Conversation. Towards the bottom, you’ll find some great suggestions on how to start conversations with yoru child, as well as what to chat about.

Resources for tweens and teens about sextortion

Amaze in the USA have created a video for tweens and young teens about online coercion and blackmail. 

eSafety Commission in Australia has information for young people about what to do if someone threatens to share their nudes. 

Kids Helpline in Australia have a guide for 13 to 17 years olds about sextortion and what to do if it happens. 

I hope you find this information helpful.

Happy talking!
❤️ Cath