Social transition | Social affirmation | Transgender, non-binary and gender diverse children

‘Socially, I started sharing pronouns and changing my name, and I remember not having a playbook for it. I wasn’t sure what the manners were and what level of friends I should tell personally. It was very exhilarating but almost too much to process. I remember feeling it would be a long time, if ever, that I would be that happy again.’ 
– Asher (28yo non-binary/gender-diverse person, they/them)

‘Give your child a chance to affirm their gender at home; what have you got to lose? Watch them as you affirm them socially and see the joy it brings them. Find comfort in knowing it may not be what you want/expected but know it is what makes them happy.’ 
– Bodhi (28yo trans man, he/him)

‘So I do it only with Dad and me at first? Should I tell closer friends who see her a lot?  When do we tell school or extended family?’ 
– Annalise (mother of a 7yo trans girl)

Some transgender/non-binary/gender-diverse (TGD) people socially transition. This is also referred to as social affirmation and gender-social transition.  

‘Gender social transition refers to a process by which a child is acknowledged by others and has the opportunity to live publicly, either in all situations or in certain situations, in the gender identity they affirm’ (Coleman et al., 2022). This looks different for each TGD person. 

There is no one right way to transition socially. Some people choose not to transition socially, and this doesn’t make them any less TGD as a person.

Social transitions/affirmations can include:

• Name change
• Pronoun change
• Gender expression (haircut, clothing, uniforms, make-up, piercings, binders, prosthetics, how you walk, how you speak, mannerisms) 
• Using gender-labelled spaces (bathrooms, change rooms) 
• Gender/sex marker changes
• Letting others know about your gender
• Participating in programs specifically for your gender (e.g. sports and recreation)

Parents can support their child’s social affirmation by helping them access the above transitions that feel right to their child. This may include advocating with school, extended family, and community. 

Social transitions/affirmation are transitions that can be changed and don’t have to be permanent. They allow children, young people, and adults to live in the gender that feels right for them. 

What we now know about social affirmations is that they can be protective, relieving, and beneficial for a child or young person’s mental health, even for children who have not yet reached puberty. For some trans adolescents, social transition can be life-preserving. Children who have been able to socially transition when they were young, before puberty, have been shown to have mental health issues pretty on par when compared with their same-gender peers. For some children, social transition can also see a marked improvement in previous mental health concerns. Some parents who have supported their child’s social transition pre-puberty ‘describe a deep joy and comfort previously unseen in their young child’ (Fast & Olson, 2022). Supporting a child’s transition may improve attachment between the child and their parent, reduce shame, and build resilience within the child.

People may choose social transition in select contexts or across many or all contexts. People may choose some types of social transitions and not others. Some children and families may decide to start social transition at home. Some parents won’t need clinical psychological support or peer support around this; others might. Remember, the younger your child is, the more they depend on you to support them to socially transition.

Some adolescents may decide to start socially transitioning at school and not at home for a variety of reasons. 

Individual and family decision-making around social transitioning may include safety considerations. These can include whether a child/young person will be physically safe from a parent if they try to transition in their authentic gender socially. Considerations may also include the level of dependency a family may have on their extended family network for survival. It can also include the real worry for some adolescents that they may no longer be allowed to live in the family home. If you are experiencing family violence, please seek support from a family violence service or work with your support to help move yourself and your children towards greater safety. Safety at school and in the community can also be a consideration. When your child socially transitions, you may need to build new networks around your family.

If it’s not safe for a child to socially transition/affirmation in one or more of their contexts, support your child, if you can, to find spaces or chunks of time where they can. Ensure the messaging to your child does not locate them being TGD as the problem in these situations. You might want to talk about where and with whom your child feels safe and comfortable to be socially living in their gender. 

Resources

• Social Affirmation by Trans Hub 2021. https://www.transhub.org.au/social
• Jamie – A Transgender Cinderella Story by Olly Pike (Pop’n’Olly) 2016. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_9F0RZUsIc United Kingdom. YouTube. 00:14:21
• Your Guide to Socially Transitioning by Minus 18 2017. https://www.minus18.org.au/articles/your-guide-to-socially-transitioning

References

• Gender Development in Transgender Preschool Children by Anne Fast and Kristina Olson 2018.
• Gender Identity 5 Years After Social Transition by Kristina Olson et al., 2022.
• GLAAD. GLAAD Media Reference Guide – 11th Edition by GLAAD 2022. 
• Prepubertal Social Gender Transitions: What We Know; What We Can Learn – A View From a Gender Affirmative Lens by Ehrensaft et al., 2018.
• Social Affirmation by Trans Hub 2021.
• Standards of Care for the Health of Transgender and Gender Diverse People, Version 8 by Eli Coleman et al., 2022.
• Supporting Parents of Children Who May be Transgender/Non-binary/Gender-diverse – Questionnaire for Parents Who Have Transgender/Non-binary/Gender-diverse Children by Felicity St.John 2024.
• Supporting Parents Raising Children Who May be Transgender/Non-binary/Gender -diverse – Questionnaire for Trans Adults by Felicity St.John 2024.
• Trans Pathways: The Mental Health Experiences and Care Pathways of Trans Young People – Summary of Results by Strauss et al., 2017.