Book Review
An overview of the book
If you’re looking for a book that will help you to empower and protect your child from the harmful effects of pornography, then Someone Should Have Told Me by Holly-ann Martin is the book you need!
Sadly, talking to kids about pornography has become one of those ‘must have’ conversations that parents must have about the risks that are out there. As well as talking to our kids about drugs and alcohol (and all those other risks that are out there) we need to add pornography to the list. I’ve been in this field for over 25 years now, and the one biggest change that I have seen in ‘must have’ conversations with kids, is pornography.
But the porn conversation is a little different to other conversations that we might have about risks. It’s a conversation that we have earlier and really do need to start when children are young. As soon as you hand your phone over to your child to play on or to use a hand-held tablet, they are at risk of accidentally stumbling upon porn. Which means that we need to gently start guiding them as to what they should do when it does happen.
The porn conversation is also a lot harder than other conversations about risks. We aren’t talking about ‘baby making’ or loving sex when we talk about porn. It is hard-core sex that is all about the act and not the relationship. And it is the sort of sex that we don’t usually associate as being ‘nice’.
You can learn more about how to protect your child from online porn here.
Someone Should Have Told Me is a book that will hold your hand and guide you through an age-appropriate conversation with your child about pornography. It will allow you to talk with your child about the most common ways that children accidentally find porn and what they should do when they stumble upon it.
How to use this book
There is a secret art to reading books about tough topics. The first read is always the hardest, so just keep that in mind. It will be easier the next time.
Someone Should Have Told Me is a book that you read with your child. The author makes this very clear at the start of the book. So don’t hand it to your child to go and read by themselves. It won’t harm your child to read this book alone but the purpose of the book is to start conversations. And the real learning happens with the conversations you will have with your child.
Make sure you also go to the back of the book and read the Information for Parents, Carers and Teachers. You will find discussion questions for each page, where the author makes suggestions about possible conversations you might have with your child. She also provides information about what to do if your child has already seen pornography. Additional information is also given about concepts that are relevant to pornography: feelings, early warning signs, safety team or network, persistence, names of private body parts, saying ‘no’ and secrets.
So the first thing you need to do is to read the book yourself before you share it with your children. This way you know exactly what is inside the book, and you won’t have any unexpected surprises about any of the content.
The book is very direct and uses language that children understand. The author, Holly-ann Martin, works extensively with children and has first-hand knowledge of how children are exposed to sexually explicit imagery. So because she teaches them herself about how to avoid and respond to pornography, she has developed a vocabulary that children understand. The language is direct and to the point, which means that children know exactly what she is talking about. They won’t misinterpret and be unsure about what she is talking about.
This is a book that you will want to reread with your child. Children only retain information that is relevant and of interest to them. So they won’t remember everything in the book from just one read.
I have been talking with my 9 year old son about pornography for about 2 years now. Just the other day whilst we were driving, he saw the word ‘porn’ on a sign outside an adult shop, and asked me what porn was. I was shocked. Not because he asked what porn was! I was shocked because we have had many discussions about it and he still didn’t understand what it was!
So this is a conversation that we need to keep repeating with our children. So that they know how to avoid it, but also what to do if they do find it. So they know that if they do find porn, that they won’t be in trouble, and that they need to tell you about it so that you can help them to process what they have seen.
Ideal Age
Ideal for children aged 3 to 10 years.
Buy this book
✅ Buy a copy of Someone Should Have Told Me at Amazon.
Video Transcription
A transcription in case you are more of a reader than a listener
Hey there! I’m Cath Hak from Sex Ed Rescue, and I’m here to help you feel more comfortable talking to your kids about sex education. Today, I want to talk about a topic that can be a bit tricky: pornography. I know, talking to your kids about sex is already tough, but discussing pornography can be even harder. Pornography is a type of sex that can be violent and not at all what we want our kids to know about just yet.
But here’s the thing: it’s so easy for kids to stumble upon pornography online. Trust me, I’ve had my own experience with it. My husband was sitting right behind me, and when he opened his computer, a couple having sex popped up on the screen. We were shocked! Thankfully, the kids weren’t around at the time, but it made me realize just how easy it is to find pornography these days. It’s like it finds you!
The people who produce porn are smart. They know that if they can get kids hooked on it from a young age, they’ll eventually pay for it when they’re older. So we need to stay one step ahead of them. That’s where this book comes in. It’s called Someone Should Have Told Me by Holly Ann Martin. She’s an expert in protective behaviors and has been talking to kids about how to stay safe from sexual abuse and inappropriate content, including porn.
What I love about Holly Ann’s books is that she actually works with kids and listens to what they have to say. She uses language that kids can understand, which is so important. This particular book gives you the language to have a conversation with your own children about pornography. I’ve read it with my nine-year-old several times, and it’s been really helpful.
Now, I know some people prefer books that beat around the bush and don’t directly call it pornography. But personally, I think it’s better to be blunt with kids. They’re not stupid, and they need to know exactly what they should be looking out for. Research shows that reading a book about something doesn’t make kids go out and do it. So don’t worry, this book won’t make your child go searching for porn.
Each page of the book gives you an opportunity to have a conversation with your child. For example, one page talks about not typing private words into the computer. It’s a chance to discuss why certain words are inappropriate and what to do if they come across explicit content. Another page addresses the issue of talking to strangers online and the importance of not sharing personal information.
The book also covers topics like inappropriate cartoons, pop-up ads, and the importance of telling a grown-up if they see something private or disturbing. It even provides tips on how to talk about private things with your child. The conversations you can have while reading this book are invaluable.
I know talking about pornography can be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Kids are curious, and it’s our job as parents to guide them and keep them safe. This book is a great tool to help you start those conversations. Remember, it’s not a one-time talk, but an ongoing dialogue. And don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. Many parents struggle with discussing these topics, but by being open and honest, you’re doing the best you can for your child.
So, if you’re looking for a book to help you talk to your kids about pornography, I highly recommend Someone Should Have Told Me by Holly Ann Martin. It’s a fantastic resource that will give you the language and tools you need to have these important conversations. Trust me, it’s worth it to ensure your child’s safety and well-being.
I hope this review has been helpful. Remember, you’re doing a great job as a parent, and I’m here to support you every step of the way. Cheers!
