Talking About Masturbation and Disability

hen it comes to raising children and young people living with a disability, many parents find themselves navigating important, but often uncomfortable topics that are rarely talked about. Masturbation is one of them. Here is what is important to know.

Masturbation is a natural, healthy part of human development- regardless of disability.

Using the all famous 5 W’s and H (who, what, when, where, why and how), I will be guiding you through the ins and outs of talking about masturbation with your child or young adult living with a disability.

You’ll find more information about sex ed when kids have a disability, on our disability resource page.

Let’s get started!

Who is this for?

This blog is for parents, guardians, and caregivers of children and young adults with intellectual and/or physical disabilities. It’s also for the young people themselves, those who are growing, learning and developing in their own way, including their sexual self-awareness. All children, regardless of ability, are sexual beings. This doesn’t mean they are ready for sex, but it does mean they will explore their bodies, feelings and boundaries like anyone else! Many children and young adults living are wrongly assumed to be “asexual” or uninterested in sexual development. This myth often leads to their exclusion from sexual education- increasing their vulnerability. All people, including those living with a disability, are sexual beings. They deserve information, respect, guidance and not silence. 

What is Masturbation?

Masturbation is when someone touches or stimulates their own body, particularly but not exclusively, their genitals. This may be for physical pleasure, comfort, curiosity or stress relief. 

It’s often misunderstood, but it is:

1. A normal and natural part of human development
2. A way of exploring your body 
3. Often a form of self-regulation, especially in children with sensory needs

In early childhood, it might look like general genital touching. In adolescence, it might involve more intentional masturbation. It can occur for various reasons- not always sexual. 

Self-pleasure is not harmful when done in private spaces, without shame or fear and with good hygiene and boundaries. Masturbation isn’t about encouraging sex, but about understanding natural safe development and exploration.

When does it start?

Masturbation and self-touch can begin as early as infancy or toddlerhood, often through accidental discovery. As your child grows, especially through puberty, it may become more frequent or purposeful. Children with intellectual disabilities may engage in self-touching behaviours longer or more publicly if they are not taught appropriate social rules. Children or young adults living with a physical disability may explore their bodies in different ways or rely on caregivers to support privacy and positioning. The most important takeaway from this- Masturbation is a part of development, it doesn’t mean your child is “doing something wrong”. They are learning about their body just like everyone!

So, when should you start talking about it with your child?

• Start teaching privacy, consent and body boundaries early- even before they begin masturbating
• As soon as your child begins to show curiosity in body exploration, this could be as early as toddlerhood 
• During puberty, when sexual interest will generally increase 
• If your child begins to masturbate in inappropriate places (e.g public places)
• If you, a teacher or guardian in your child’s life begins to feel uncomfortable with any new behaviours 

Where is it appropriate?

One of the core messages around masturbation is that “it is OKAY to touch your body, but only in PRIVATE!”

Children living with a disability may need extra support understanding social rules around where and when masturbation is okay. Although this may seems daunting to tackle, here are a few tips that could help you approach this topic.

1. Use clear, literal language: “Private parts are for private places”
2. Define what private places are, this could include the bedroom or the bathroom, with the door closed. Ensure to use specifics! (bedroom, bathroom, private place IN YOUR HOME!)
3. Consider using visual cues like pictures or symbols (a picture of a bedroom, ticks or crosses for locations that are appropriate) 
4. Stories showing appropriate behaviours (Read the list below for some good examples)
5. Gentle reminders if there are any inappropriate behaviours 
6. Ensure that your child has private time and space where they feel safe and comfortable 

If your child masturbates in public or unsafe settings, gently redirect them. Avoid shaming at all costs! A simple thing you could say to them if this happens is “I know that feels good, but this is not the right place. You can go somewhere more private when we get home”.

Why talk about it?

You might be wondering, why should I talk about this? Wouldn’t this be more appropriate for a teacher or doctor? One of the beautiful gifts about parenting is being there for your child through all of these life experiences, including making them feel comfortable and safe at home. These conversations matter in so many different ways, and they begin with you. So why do these conversations matter?

1. Understanding reduces shame and confusion. Many children living with a disability struggle with internalised shame if their behaviours are scolded without an explanation as to why
2. Education protects. Children who know about their bodies, boundaries and consent are less vulnerable to abuse, especially with children living with a disability 
3. It teaches respect and consent. They learn that everyone deserves privacy and that their body belongs to them.
4. It supports independence and dignity. Learning about their body helps young people become confident, informed adults.

Avoiding these conversations can lead to public or unsafe behaviours, anxiety and secrecy or potential for abuse or exploitation if others take advantage of their lack of understanding. It might be scary, uncomfortable or nerve-racking even trying to bring this up, but it

How do I talk to my child about masturbation?

Every child is unique, and so are the tools they need to understand masturbation in a respectful, safe way. 

Start with the basics

1. Use correct terms (e.g penis, vulva etc)
2. Be calm and matter-of-fact- avoid negative facial expressions and tones
3. Reinforce privacy, not punishment 

Use teaching tools

1. Stories explaining what masturbation is and where it is okay 
2. Visual aids like pictures or symbols showing what private and public places are 
3. Routine reminders if necessary, especially for impulsive behaviours 

Support physical access

Children with disabilities may need extra assistance

1. Help positioning for privacy 
2. Adaptive tools (cushions, furniture, sexual aids- read below for some suggestions for these)
3. Guidance from occupational therapists if needed

Teaching hygiene

1. Washing hands before and after 
2. Cleanliness of genitals and surrounding areas 
3. How to clean beddings or clothing if accessible

Final Thoughts

Children and young people living with disabilities have the same right to bodily autonomy, pleasure and privacy as anyone else. By providing age and ability appropriate education, you can help them understand themselves without shame, feel safe exploring their body, set and respect boundaries and grow into confident adults! You don’t need to be perfect; you just need to be open, honest and supportive. You can do this!

References and Resources

The Sex Ed Shop has a detailed parent guide about child masturbation, which will leave you feeling comfortable and confident about raising the subject of masturbation with your child. It’s suitable for talking to children of all ages and shows you how to talk in a way that incorporates your values and beliefs.

SECCA: SECCA is a great organisation that has resources and visuals tailored to young people living with a disability and sexuality education. They also have a free app that contains games, lesson plans and accessibility features! A great website to check out with lots of information. 

SHINE SA: Shine SA offers clinical services in person for South Australian residents and telehealth appointments Australia wide. Shine always has a wide range of information on hand on a wide range of topics, including all things sexuality. 

SACID (South Australian Council on Intellectual Disability): SACID is a great organisation that advocates for people living with an intellectual disability. A great website to visit as they have a number of free resources navigating relationships, sexuality and masturbation for individuals living with a disability. 

Scarleteen: This is a great article more suited to young adults that covers both intellectual and physical disability. This could be a great resource to show your teen if they prefer doing their own reading. 

Family Planning Australia: Family Planning Australia has two great FREE books about masturbation for both boys and girls with pictures. The pictures are drawn and could be a bit graphic for some, so please view the book before showing to your child or young adult. They are in simple informative language and overall a great resource. 

Sexual Health Quarters: Sexual Health Quarters has some great resources covering all topics of disability, including two informative resources about masturbation for both vulva owners and penis owners. Covers all things hygiene, arousal and lubrication. 

Disability Horizons: Disability Horizons has a great list of masturbation aids and sex toys for those living with a physical disability. If your young adult expresses interest in masturbation, this list and also reaching out to an occupational therapist is a great place to start.