Understanding What It Means to Be Trans: A Guide for Parents
Being a parent means learning alongside your child. Whether your child has asked you questions about gender, shared something personal, or you simply want to be prepared for open conversations, this guide is here to support you.
Let’s walk through what it means to be trans, how to talk about it with kids, and how to show your love and support every step of the way.
This series of blog posts was written by Kristen Buck, Master of Sexology (Professional) and Bachelor of Psychology with Honours, during a clinical placement at Sex Ed Rescue.
You’ll find more information about sex education in my Sex Education 101 page.
Let’s get started!
What Does “Trans” Mean?
“Trans” is short for “transgender.” A transgender person is someone whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth.
- Sex assigned at birth is usually labelled as male or female based on anatomy.
- Gender identity is a person’s internal sense of who they are, boy, girl, both, neither, or something else entirely.
A person assigned female at birth might identify as a boy, that person is a transgender boy. Someone assigned male at birth who identifies as a girl is a transgender girl. Others might identify outside the binary altogether – as nonbinary, genderqueer, or another identity.
Find practical tools to educate kids about sex education in the Sex Ed Shop
Why Is This Important to Understand?
Understanding gender helps children grow into compassionate, inclusive, and self-aware people. Some children may be questioning their own gender. Others may have friends or classmates who are trans.
Your openness, curiosity, and support as a parent can make all the difference in how your child sees themselves and others.
Common Terms to Know (In Simple Language)
- Cisgender (or “cis”) – A person whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
- Transgender (or “trans”) – A person whose gender identity does not match their assigned sex at birth.
- Nonbinary – Someone who doesn’t identify strictly as male or female.
- Gender identity – How a person feels and understands their own gender.
- Gender expression – How someone shows their gender (through clothes, hairstyle, behaviour, etc.).
- Pronouns – Words like “he,” “she,” or “they” that refer to someone in place of their name.
Tip: When in doubt, it’s okay to kindly ask someone what pronouns they use!
Even if your child isn’t trans, it’s important they grow up understanding and respecting people of all gender identities. Early conversations build empathy, kindness, and confidence in talking about diversity – just like we do with race, religion, or different abilities.
Why These Conversations Matter
Kids notice differences. Without guidance, they might absorb misinformation or think there’s something “weird” about being different. As their parent, you can model understanding, open-mindedness, and care for others.
How to Explain Being Trans to a Cis Child
Here are some age-appropriate ways to talk to your child:
For Toddlers & Preschoolers (Ages 2–5):
- Keep it super simple.
- “Some people are boys, some are girls, and some are both or neither. What matters most is who someone knows they are inside.”
- You can also use picture books to reinforce this idea visually.
For Primary/Elementary School (Ages 6–10):
- Start using terms like “transgender” and “cisgender.”
- “When a baby is born, adults guess if the baby is a boy or girl. But as people grow up, they might know deep down that they’re actually a different gender. When that happens, we call that person transgender.”
- Let them ask questions. Answer honestly, and it’s okay to say “I’m not sure, let’s look it up together.”
For Preteens & Teens (Ages 11+):
- Go deeper. Kids this age are navigating identity, friendship, and social dynamics.
- “Some people realise that the gender they were assigned at birth doesn’t match who they are inside. Being trans is just one way people can understand themselves. It’s not new or weird — it’s part of the diversity of being human.”
- This is also a great time to talk about respect, using correct names and pronouns, and being a good ally!
Encourage Kindness and Respect
Give them a few simple guiding principles:
- “We don’t make fun of people for being themselves.”
- “Everyone deserves to feel safe and included.”
- “If someone shares their gender identity with you, it’s important to listen and respect it.”
How to Respond to Questions Like…
🗨️ “But they don’t look like a boy/girl.”
“Not everyone looks the same. Being a boy or girl isn’t just about appearance, it’s about how someone feels inside and how they choose to identify.”
🗨️ “Why would someone want to change their name or pronouns?”
“They’re choosing something that fits who they really are. Just like you’d want people to call you by the name that feels right to you.”
🗨️ “Is that bad or wrong?”
“No, not at all! Everyone’s different, and that’s a good thing.”
If Your Child Comes Out as Trans (or Thinks They Might Be)
You might feel a mix of emotions, surprise, confusion, protectiveness, love. That’s okay!
Here’s what matters most:
- Believe them. Even if your child is still exploring, their feelings are real.
- Tell them you love them. Say it out loud and often! Reassurance is integral!
- Ask how you can support them. Let them lead the pace of any changes, like names, pronouns, or clothes.
- Stay connected. Keep doing things together. Ask about their day. Be present.
Common Concerns from Parents (and Helpful Reframes)
“Is this just a phase?”
Gender questioning can be a journey. Whether temporary or lasting, it’s real in the moment. Supporting your child in the now builds trust for the future.
“What if they’re bullied?”
That’s an entirely valid fear. Your support is the best buffer against outside negativity. Advocate at school, connect with affirming communities, and reassure your child they’re never alone.
“I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing.”
You might! But that’s okay. What matters is that you try, correct yourself, apologise if needed, and keep learning. Mistakes are part of growth.
A Final Message to You
By teaching your cis child about gender diversity, you’re helping create a world that is kinder, safer, and more welcoming, not just for trans people, but for everyone. You’re showing your child that empathy, understanding, and respect are core values in your family – and it starts with these conversations!
Looking for more sex education resources? Then visit my Sex Education 101 page!