What is gender? | Transgender, non-binary and gender diverse children

coloured background and title of post on what is gender
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photo of Felicity St John

This blog post is a part of the resource – Supporting Transgender, Non-binary and Gender diverse Children & Young People, created by Felicity St John and Felicity’s collaborator and fellow Master of Sexology student Lindsay SmithFelicity, during a placement with Sex Ed Rescue in 2024.

Felicity St John has a Master of Sexology (Professional) with Distinction and a Bachelor of Human Services – Child and Family Studies. She currently works for an NGO as a supervisor of four practitioners, coaching and case managing families facing complex challenges. Felicity also offers professional development and consultancy. Her professional interest areas are sex education, puberty, LGBTQI+ people, child development, transgender/non-binary/gender-diverse people, relationship coaching, family coaching, and parenting psychoeducation. Felicity has a passion for supporting people to step into their capacity. When she’s not working Felicity loves to laugh, play, be with loves ones, rock climb, SUP board, explore nature, read, write, hike, cycle, swim, and laze about like a cat. You can contact Felicity via email.

My sister’s child says she is a girl, but they were born a male. Doesn’t that mean she’s a boy?

For a chunk of time in history, in many places, it was thought there were only two genders you could be: either a girl or a boy. Your boy or girl gender was thought to automatically line up with the male or female sex you appeared to be on the outside when you were born (biological sex). If your external genitals had a vulva, it was decided you were a female, and your gender was assumed to be a girl. If your external genitals had a penis and scrotum, it was decided you were a male, and your gender was assumed to be a boy. 

When there are only two options, this is known as a binary. When there is only a choice between the male sex and the female sex, this is called a sex binary. Because gender was assumed based on these two boxes of female and male, there was also a gender binary.

What we now know is that biological sex isn’t limited to two boxes (female/male) we neatly fit into; rather, biological sex is more like a line along a continuum. This sometimes gets called a spectrum. That is, male and female exist along a continuum. This spectrum doesn’t just exist in humans but also across other species. Diversity in biological sex is now understood to be a natural occurrence. 

Gender is not about biology. Gender is not about the physical characteristics we are born with. Gender is about the social and the cultural. ‘Gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviours, expressions and identities of girls, women, boys, men, and gender-diverse people’ (Canadian Institutes of Health Research, 2023). How cultures see what it means to be a boy/man, girl/woman, or gender-diverse person can shift over time and across cultures and groups.

Gender identity is how you see and understand your gender. Whether you feel and know yourself to be a girl/woman, boy/man, non-binary, or other gender(s). Gender identity ‘describes how you think of yourself, it’s how we feel inside, and how you want to be known by others’ (EACH UK). 

For most people, their gender will line up with the biological sex they were assigned at birth (female/male). These people are sometimes referred to as cisgender people. Cis means ‘on the side of’. The person’s gender is on the same side as their sex at birth.

There isn’t always a match between the biological sex someone is assumed to be at birth and their gender. People who experience this mismatch are often referred to as transgender people. Trans ‘means on the other side of’. 

Transgender is an umbrella that also includes non-binary people and gender-diverse people.

Non-binary means ‘not restricted to two things’ (Merriam-Webster, 2024). Non-binary people don’t experience themselves as essentially a girl/woman or boy/man. Non-binary people’s understanding of their gender sits outside of these two boxes. This is different for different non-binary people. Some non-binary people have no gender (agender). Some non-binary people have a gender that fluctuates (genderfluid). Some people identify as having two genders (bigender), and some identify as having multiple genders (pangender). There are many words to describe different types of non-binary gender identities, such as genderqueer. The number of words is expanding. If your child uses a new word you don’t understand, it’s a good idea to look it up online and ask them what it means to them. Some non-binary people refer to themselves as enbies, which is short for non-binary. 

Some non-binary people may also use the term transgender. For other non-binary people, this term doesn’t fit with their understanding of self. 

Gender-diverse is a broad umbrella term that includes people whose gender does not match the sex they were assumed to be at birth. It also includes people who may express (e.g., behave, dress, appearance, talk) in ways that sit outside of the social and cultural norms associated with being female or male. These cultural norms of being a girl/woman or a boy/man are called gender norms. Gender norms ‘are the accepted ideas of how women and men should be and how they should act within a specific society or community; they help to define what is understood as being ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ within a particular group (CRiVA, 2023). Sometimes, these people are referred to as gender non-conforming, gender expansive, and gender creative.

Some gender-diverse people are transgender. Some gender-diverse people are cisgender. 

Sometimes, when parents are trying to understand their child’s gender journey, part of what they are trying to understand is whether their child’s gender expression (e.g. how they behave, dress, appear, talk) is because their child’s gender identity doesn’t match the sex they were assumed at birth, or whether their gender does line up with their sex assumed at birth. Still, their expression looks different from what the culture expects. 

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Resources

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References

  • Beyond the Gender Binary by Dr. Margaret Nichols 2015.
  • Merriam-Webster Dictionary by Merriam-Webster 2024.
  • Standards of Care for the Health of Transgender and Gender Diverse People, Version 8 by Coleman et al., 2022.
  • The Modern Clinician’s Guide to Working with LGBTQ+ Clients by Margaret Nichols 2021.
  • Transgender History by Susan Stryker 2017.
  • What are Gender Norms? Why Do They Matter? by Centre for Research into Violence and Abuse (CRiVA) 2023.
  • What is Gender by Educational Action Challenging Homophobia 2016.
  • What is Gender? What is Sex? By Canadian Institute of Health Research 2023.
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Felicity St John holds a Master of Sexology (Professional) with Distinction and a Bachelor of Human Services – Child and Family Studies. She supervises a team in an NGO, coaching and supporting families with complex needs, and offers professional development and consultancy. Her interests include sex education, puberty, LGBTQI+ inclusion, child development, and family coaching. Outside work, Felicity enjoys time with loved ones, outdoor adventures, and creative pursuits.
You can find Felicity at LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/felicity-st-john-726365256/