Let’s talk about teens and catfishing online (or catphishing) as we get posts about it in my free Facebook sex education group for parents, that parent group.
Catfishing (or catphishing) is when someone sets up a fake online identity and uses it to trick and control others. Often, they do it to scam people out of money, blackmail them or harm them in some other way. And it can be someone you know or a complete stranger.
Catfishing is a serious problem and is something parents should be talking about. Along with alcohol, drugs and porn, catfishing is a risk that tweens and teens face in an online world. And the best way to empower (and protect) your child from harm is by having conversations with them about catfishing.
Knowing what catfishing is, how to spot it and what to do if it does happen will empower and protect your adolescent.
Now catfishing isn’t really a sex education topic. It is more of an online safety or cyber safety issue.
But because catfishing for teens is often unknowingly from someone they know at school, where they trick them into an online romantic relationship and then send incriminating images (of their genitals or them masturbating), it then becomes relevant from a sex education perspective.
This blog post will help you to understand what catfishing is and why you need to be talking to your tween or teen about it. I’ll also show you how to have conversations that will prepare and protect your child (instead of scaring them).
Let’s get started!
What do I need to know about catfishing?
I’m not an eSafety expert, so I’m not going to pretend to be one.
Instead, I am going to send you to a catfishing guide (written for young people) that will help you understand what catfishing is, the warning signs, how to prevent being catfished, and what to do when it happens.
This catfishing guide has been created by eSafety (in Australia), the world’s first government agency committed to keeping people safer online, and is at the forefront of the fight against online risks and harms faced by adults and children. Therefore, regardless of where you live in the world, this information is relevant.
Here is the link to their catfishing guide for young people.
Is catfishing illegal?
Depending on where you live in the world, legislation about catfishing may (or may not) exist.
The simplest way to find out is by doing an internet search with this search term: ‘Is catfishing legal in [your state] in [your country]?’. So, for me, I would type this into my favourite internet search engine: ‘Is catfishing legal in Western Australia in Australia’.
The Conversation has a worthwhile read about catfishing – There is no specific crime of catfishing. But is it illegal? It raises some interesting questions about whether we need to create new laws to deal with catfishing or make better use of the laws we already have.
Why should I be worried about catfishing?
As a parent of teens, I take catfishing very seriously. I see it as another risk that my children may face during adolescence, like being exposed to online pornography, being pressured for a sext or nude picture, or being offered alcohol or drugs.
I also acknowledge that adolescence is a time of great change, where not just their body is changing, but their brain, too. Helen Young from Hey Sigmund has a fantastic blog post that walks you through the what and the why of the changes that come with adolescence. Please read it as it explains why adolescence is a vulnerable time for tweens and teens. And why they may make decisions and take risks they wouldn’t ordinarily take.
What if your child is catfished?
Let’s look at what you can do as a parent if you learn your child is being catfished.
Stay calm and listen
It’s important to stay calm and listen. What your child is going to tell you can be very upsetting. If you’re upset or angry, then they may not tell you the full story. It’s important that they have your support so they can get the help they need.
Your priority is their wellbeing and ensuring they aren’t at risk of self-harming or ending their life. Sadly, this does happen; as to them, being catfished may feel like the end of the world.
So listen to their story, and check in as to how they are feeling. Reassure them that they aren’t the only person to have been catfished and that it also happens to other teens and adults. It’s also important to let them know they aren’t in trouble and that you won’t punish them for anything they did. They need to feel safe enough to tell you the full story so that you can help them. You may also need to reassure them that you love them, no matter what.
Thank them for being brave enough to let you know. And let them know that they aren’t alone and that you are going to help them with this.
Help them take action
eSafety simplifies the steps and what actions to take.
Stop the conversaiton
First, they need to stop the conversation with the person catfishing, immediately.
Check the identity of the person
Next, you can help them to check the identity of the person catfishing them i.e. are they using their true identity (or not). You can do an image search to check if their profile photo is of someone else or for someone with a different name. eSafety has a simple guide on using image search to catch a catfish. If they aren’t using their true identity, then they are using a fake account.
Check all of their online accounts
Then you will need to help your child check their online accounts for any suspicious activity or signs that someone else might be using them. If it looks like they have, then read this eSafety guide on protecting your personally identifiable information. It will outline the steps to take.
Screenshot, report and block fake accounts
If they are using a fake account, then you can help your child take screenshots, report them, and block the fake accounts. eSafety has a guide on reporting fake accounts on most online platforms and services. As well as how to use in-app functions to mute, hide or unfollow the account. After you’ve reported the account, they can also block it.
A reminder that the information in the blog post is not intended to be taken or used as a substitute for legal advice. If in doubt contact your local police for assistance.
If your child is being blackmailed
If they’re being blackmailed, it’s important not to pay the blackmailer, to not give them any more money, or to send them any more intimate images. eSafety has a guide on how to deal with sexual extortion or ‘sextortion’ (where someone threatens to share a nude or sexual image or video of you unless you give in to their demands).
If your child is under the age of 18, then you can report it as the images are of a minor, and the person catfishing could face legal consequences for possession and distribution of child pornography.
If you live in Australia, you can contact the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation (ACCCE).
If you live in the UK, then you can contact your local police on 101 as they can assist.
If you live in the USA, you can go to your local police station and report it in person as sextortion of any kind is a crime. You can also report it to the FBI, as they are able to assist. You can also report child sexual exploitation to the Cyber Tipline. You can also contact Take It Down as they can help to remove online nude, partially nude, or sexually explicit photos and videos taken of minors.
If you live elsewhere in the world, do an internet search with this search term: ‘I live in [your country], and my child is a victim of sextortion’. So, for me, I would type this into my favourite internet search engine: ‘I live in Australia, and my child is a victim of sextortion’.
If your child is not being blackmailed
If they’re not being blackmailed, but their intimate image or video has been shared, or someone is threatening to share it, you can report it to eSafety, and they can have the image or video removed or help stop the threats.
You may be able to involve the police as the person catfishing could face legal consequences for possession and distribution of child pornography.
If in doubt, I would contact them anyway, as they may be able to assist. Or at least tell you who else to contact.
Involve their school (if it is relevant)
Schools are often reluctant to get involved when catfishing involves their students, and they will usually claim they have no authority.
You have a greater chance of gaining their involvement if a school laptop/hand-held tablet has been involved, if school software/accounts have been involved, if it has happened during school time, or if it involves other students at the school.
Get support for your child
Check-in with your child regularly to check that they’re okay. If necessary, you may need to use a free children’s helpline or another confidential counselling or support service to help make it easier to deal with the impact.
How can I talk to my teen about catfishing?
Empowering your children with information is the best way to keep them safe.
Provide your child with information about catfishing i.e. what catfishing is, the warning signs, how to prevent being catfished, and what to do when it happens. You can refer to this catfishing guide written for young people.
Talk about the legal consequences of catfishing, especially if they are in possession of or are sharing intimate images of children. To find out what the legal age is for your part of the world, do an internet search with this search term: ‘What is the legal age for intimate images in [your state] in [your country]?’. So, for me, I would type this into my favourite internet search engine: ‘What is the legal age for intimate images in Western Australia in Australia.’
Let your child know that they can talk to you about anything, no matter what. Reassure them that they won’t lose internet access or their device, as this is a common barrier that prevents tweens and turns from turning to parents for help.
Reassure your child that we all make mistakes. If you’re comfortable, share stories of some of your own mistakes as a teen.
Talk about the rules and help your child to understand why they are important. Research tells us that adolescents want parents to create boundaries, but it is easier to accept them if they understand the reason. You can use my Internet Safety Rules! Poster Set to help you get started! Or read my blog post about internet safety for kids.
Get involved in their online life by joining the same social media platforms, watching their favourite videos with them on YouTube or streaming services, or asking them to teach you how to play their favourite online games.
Talk openly about peer pressure and the different ways of dealing with it. If you are comfortable, share some of your own stories from growing up.
Have ongoing conversations with your child about internet safety and privacy issues. As parents, we should make it a priority to teach our kids the importance of watching their language and how they interact with others online — that respecting others both in person and online goes hand and hand. This lesson should start from the moment a child is given a keypad of any kind.
Look out for everyday situations that you can turn into a teachable moment about catfishing. If you hear a news story about catfishing, talk about it with your teen. If your teen is with you when you hear it, you could try saying, ‘Has this happened to anyone you know? Catfishing?’, or ‘What would you do if that happened to you?’. If they aren’t with you, you could say, ‘I heard a story on the radio today about catfishing. Did you know that it’s easy for people to pretend to be someone else online? It’s really important to block or ignore anything online that doesn’t come from someone you don’t know in real life.’ You could even adapt this to a conversation about a post you saw on social media or a blog post you read.
And, importantly, keep on having open, honest and positive conversations with your child about love, sex and relationships.