A Parent’s Guide to Parental Control Software
Unsure about whether you need to use parental control software? Find out how they work, which type to use, what they can do and whether you need them.
Read any article on the internet about how to talk to kids about porn, and they’ll tell you that you need to monitor and limit what your child sees and does online. Install the software, buy a modem or connect a device to your current modem, and it’ll give you parental control over your child’s access to the internet.
So we’re going to look at parental controls and how they can help you to protect your child from online pornography.
You’ll find more information about porn in my Pornography 101 page.
Let’s get started!
Find practical tools to educate kids about porn & internet safety in the Sex Ed Shop
What are parental controls?
Simply, parental controls are a way to monitor and control your child’s access to the internet. Which means they can stop kids from finding inappropriate content online.
What are the different types of parental controls?
There are two different types of parental controls.
You install software on your computer and every device (tablet, phone). These are usually easy to install, and you can monitor and set controls using an app on your phone.
You use a router that can be a new router (the box that connects to your modem sends the wifi signal out to your home). Or you can purchase a device that connects to the router. These are easy to plug in, and you can monitor and set controls using an app on your phone.
Note: This post contains affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosure here.
Which type of parental control should I use?
There are many different options, and there is not one solution for everything. So I picked the brain of Cory Peppler from Parenting Digital for advice on options to consider.
Cory recommends getting a filter at the router level for the devices in your home (tablets on Wi-Fi, PS4, and other internet connections). Prices can vary, and you may need to talk to your internet provider as they may need to adjust settings.
For devices that leave your house, like the phone, the router devices above won’t help. To monitor emails, social media, texts, and the like, you’ll need to consider apps and software filters like Qustodio, Bark, Norton Family and NetNanny. They all have monthly fees rather than a one-off fee.
If you’d like to know how Qustodio works, then read my Qustodio Review. If you want to know how BARK works, then read my BARK Review.
For phones, it is worth looking at what your carrier offers. Most major carriers offer parental/family tools, usually at a small additional fee.
TIP: Do your research, as there are pros and cons for every type of parental control, and what works for one family won’t necessarily work for your family. For example, I don’t use a router in my house because it slows down our ‘already slow’ internet.
What do parental controls do?
There are many different things that parental controls can do.
They can filter and block access to specific websites, words or images. So if you don’t want your child visiting certain websites (e.g. YouTube.com), using specific search terms like (boobs or sex) and finding sexually explicit images, you can stop it from happening.
They can block outgoing content, stopping your child from sharing personal information online or through email.
They can limit internet time, which allows parents to control when their child is online and for how long.
They can alert parents of their child’s online activity without blocking access and can be used with or without your child’s knowledge. Some software can record which websites a child has visited. Other programs display warning messages when children visit certain websites.
Why do you need parental controls?
So how do you know if your family needs parental controls or not?
It’s important to remember that every family is unique, and we all manage online time differently. So the rules in one family can completely differ from what may happen in your family.
And every child is different. Some kids are more curious than others. Which means they may accidentally find pornography. Or they may actively go and seek pornography.
Accidental exposure to pornography is a real threat to children. And as parents, we should be working hard to stop kids from seeing sexually explicit content.
You can read this blog post if you’re unsure about the effects of porn on children and how easy porn is to find.
The best way to protect children from accidental (or deliberate) exposure to pornography is to prevent it.
It’s important to remember that parental controls won’t stop your child from ever seeing porn. They may see porn when visiting a friend (who doesn’t have parental controls set up) or be shown it by another kid on the school bus. You may not have set up your parental controls correctly, or your child may have learned how to get around it.
So parental controls can prevent your child from accidental exposure and (hopefully) delay their first exposure until they are old enough to respond appropriately.
Please don’t make the mistake of assuming that parental controls replace conversations with your child about porn. You still need to talk to them so they know what to do when they see porn. You can learn more in this blog post about how to start the porn conversation.
Parental control reviews
Qustodio Review: How to stop kids from seeing porn
BARK Review: How to stop kids from seeing porn
Which parental control app or device do I choose?
It depends on what you want it to do and how ‘technology-challenged’ you are!
First, I would determine what you would like the parental controls to do.
So for my family, I wanted to protect my kids from online pornography. I also wanted to manage how much time my kids spent online, where they went and what they did. I was okay with them watching videos on YouTube, but not if that was the only thing they did.
I also wanted to know where my ‘super curious’ then 10-year-old son went when he was online and to receive alerts of what search terms he was using. For my then 14-year-old daughter, I wanted to stop her from playing Sims or watching videos on Netflix whilst pretending to do her homework.
We used Qustodio for a couple of years and then switched Bark for a year, and then went back to Qustodio.
My best advice is to sign up for one, play around with it and if you like it, then start paying for it. If you don’t like it, then try the other one.
TIP: My advice with software that allows you to ‘spy’ on your child is to let them know about it. Tell them about it, show them what it does, and have a trial run to see what happens if they type ‘porn’ into a search engine.
Make sure you sign up for a free trial first. So that you can work out what it can (and can’t do). As well as whether you can install it. If you can’t get a free trial, look at their Refund Policy, just in case you don’t like it and want your money back.
Don’t forget to look at the costs. Is there a monthly or annual fee? Or just one upfront fee? Do you need to pay extra for more features?
Test out their online support. Is it staffed 24 hours a day? How long does it take for them to respond to your questions?
What if I’m hopeless with technology
That’s fine! I still can’t change channels on our TV (and we’ve had it for 10 years). So I understand.
All of the parental control software providers offer online support and can help you with any problems that you have.
You can also refer to this super helpful guide from Internet Matters on how to set up parental controls. I love this guide as it is very user-friendly! Select your device or what you want to block and follow the instructions.
More porn & internet safety resources
My Internet Safety Rules! Poster Set will help protect your children by instilling basic rules to save them from making common mistakes. They’re basic guidelines about interacting with people (only those we already know), taking pictures (after asking permission), and trying new apps or games (only after checking with you first). Put up one poster or more, familiarise yourself with the rules, and regularly remind your children about them. They’ll become engrained throughout the family and offer valuable protection around the kids while they’re safely exploring the digital world.
My Online Safety Activity Pack introduces the basic “rules” for online safety… and the best part is that most kids won’t even know they’re learning! It’s a printable activity book to keep your kids safe online and be smart with screen time.
My Tech Check Workbook (for parents) will help you do a step-by-step check on every device in your house. It’s designed to reduce the overwhelm you may feel about this task!
You can find more resources about online porn in the Sex Ed Shop! You’ll find my Porn Safety Rules! Poster Set for teaching kids how to respond when exposed to porn (as it will happen). If you’re ready to talk about porn, then grab my crash course, Getting Started with the Porn Talk, or this one, Help! My Child has Seen Porn, if they’re already viewing porn. And if you’re worried about answering their questions, then grab the Porn Talk Q&A Book, as it has child-friendly answers to over 150 questions kids have about porn.
Looking for more porn & internet safety resources? Then visit my Porn 101 page!
Summary
Installing parental controls is a great way to start conversations about internet safety and pornography.
Please let your child know you have installed parental controls and what they mean to them. Let them have a look at the type of information you can see. My 14-year-old daughter was very keen to see how much information was private (or not).
Books can be an invaluable resource to use when starting this conversation. You can find children’s books on many of the internet safety topics, like online porn, media literacy, social media safety and sending nudes (or sexting).
Make life easier for yourself, and utilise free resources like videos. You can find some of my favourites in my internet safety videos blog post.
Internet safety is a conversation that needs to start early so it becomes just another fact of life that your child accepts.
And remember, parental controls are not a replacement for open and honest conversations about porn. Conversations still need to keep happening!
I hope that helps you better understand parental controls!
Happy talking!
❤️ Cath