Tips to make reading sex ed books to kids super easy

We all know about the importance of reading with our kids, and reading sex education books is just as important too.

Reading aloud doesn’t just help to improve your child’s ability to read but also helps them to understand language, use their imagination and learn new things.

As a parent, I find that reading books to my kids makes sex education much more manageable.

You’ll find more information about sex education in my Sex Education 101 page. And you can find more strategies for starting sex education conversations (like this) in my list of ideas on how to teach sex education in the family home.

Let’s get started!

Why sex ed books are so helpful

There are a number of reasons why books about the ‘birds and bees’ or ‘the facts of life’ can make sex education easier:

1. You don’t have to remember everything as it is written down for you in the book, e.g. what changes happen during puberty.

2. Books can help teach your child things, e.g. where does a baby come from?

3. Books can help you teach your kids about sensitive topics, e.g. how a baby is made.

4. Books get kids talking about things in the story, e.g. I have a penis and so does daddy.

5. Reading helps you get over any embarrassment, i.e. you can keep on reading while squirming with embarrassment. 

6. Books help you talk about complex subjects in an age-appropriate way, i.e. the authors will usually write at the level kids will understand without giving them too much information.

7. Books can be used to start discussions, e.g. you can ask questions during the story or chat about it the next day.

8. Books can provide the answers to questions that you can’t answer, i.e. you don’t have to know the scientific way that a baby is conceived, you can just read it from the book!

9. Books can help you teach kids in terms they understand, i.e. most books will use terms and words that kids understand.

Feeling uncomfortable is normal

Sex education books make sex education easier, but they don’t take away the discomfort that you feel when you come to certain sections. Even me, who can talk to a client quite comfortably about what she gets up to in the bedroom, squirms along with everyone else.

The first sex education book that I read with my daughter was about how babies were made (Mummy Laid an Egg by Babette Cole). And this page below made me squirm with embarrassment. I would slowly turn the page, and we would stop and look at this page. My daughter would lean down closer and peer at each image, and I would sit there holding my breath, waiting for her to ask a question. She would then sit back up, and I would turn the page quickly. Eventually, I was brave enough to ask her a question, but I was much more used to the book by then!

PS. It took me about 5-6 reads of this book to get to that stage!

How to pick a sex education book

There are a lot of sex education books out there, some are fantastic, some are good and some are really really bad!  Some are written in a very entertaining way with lots of humour. Others are more educational and may not have as interesting a storyline.

The important thing to remember is that no book is perfect! Some of the content in the book you will just not like. For example, if my child was born through IVF, the Babette Cole book, ‘Mummy Laid an Egg’, talks about traditional ‘penis in vagina’ baby-making. 

You have to either not read certain parts of the book or change what you read. For example, ‘With Mummy Laid an Egg’, I could talk about the fact that babies can be made in other ways as well, and talk about how IVF works.

If you are lucky, you may have a bookshop locally that will stock a good range of books. If you aren’t so fortunate, you will have to buy online. Don’t forget to check out my list of children’s books, where I have reviewed hundreds of sex ed books.

The first step is to decide what you want the book to be about. Do you want a book about body parts, public and private, how babies are made,  sexual intercourse/activity, puberty or periods?

Once you have decided on the topic, you can look for the perfect book. Some books focus on one subject, e.g. how babies are made, and others talk about a lot of stuff, like the Robie H. Harris book, ‘It’s Perfectly Normal’.

With your first sex education books, I suggest you start simply and choose a book focusing on just one topic.

Before you start reading

When it comes to sex education books, don’t do what I do, i.e. open up a brand new book (that I haven’t even looked at), start reading it blindly to my kids and then curse when you hit the sex stuff!

Be kind to yourself, and read the book first. You can either sit there and read it by yourself, or you can read it with your partner. Are there any bits in the book that you may struggle with or be too embarrassed to read? Are there any bits that you may want to change or skip over? For example, ‘Mummy Laid an Egg’ talks about vaginal delivery, but babies are also born by caesarian.

Start thinking of questions that you can ask your child about the story, for example:

• do you have a penis or a vulva?
• who else has a penis? Your dog?
• do you think puberty will happen to you one day?
• do you have any questions about what happened in that book?

How to read the book with your child

The first couple of times just read the book with your child. Don’t ask questions, embellish the story, or highlight different things in the pictures – just read the words and turn the pages.

If a section makes you uncomfortable, just turn those pages quicker. Remember, they aren’t noticing your response to the book; they are just listening to you read it out loud.

What if they ask a question?

If your child asks a question, be honest and just answer their question. If they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to hear the answer.

Initially, you should just answer the specific question they are asking. As they get older and their questions get more complex and detailed, your answers should also.

Don’t forget to check that they understand your response and ask if they need any more information.

If you don’t know the answer, try:

• Hmm… I’m not sure about the answer to that. How about I find out and get back to you later
• Have a phrase ready for inappropriate moments – “That’s a good question. How about we talk about it when we get home?”. Make sure you do follow up on the question.
• If you aren’t sure about how to answer their question, try
• I’ll have to think about the answer to that one. Just give me a moment

If you are embarrassed:

• Remind yourself that sexuality is an everyday topic and not something special
• Take a deep breath and take your time to respond to questions
• Use humour – you don’t have to make a joke about it, but laughing about sex and relationships shows that it is a normal topic
• Throw the ball back in their court, and ask your child ‘what do you think?’

Read it again that week

Read the book again to your child a few more times over the next week or two. Make sure you are nice and discrete about it, i.e. slip it into the book pile or tell them that you like this book and want to read it again! You don’t want to make a fuss about the book and make it feel different from any other books you read.

Once you have read the book a few more times, it is time to start asking some questions whilst you read the book. For example, you may ask, ‘Do you know of any other ways babies are made?’  You can also be more general and ask your child, ‘What did you think about that book?’

And remember, if you don’t know an answer, be honest and admit to it, but promise to get back to them with the answer. Make sure you do – you want your child to know that you are reliable so they will keep asking you and not their friends.

But my child isn’t ready for this

The most common complaint from parents about sex education books is that the book will open up topics and lead to questions before the child is ready. Most sex education books are written by authors with a sexual background, which means that child development will have been taken into consideration. Parent objection usually means that it’s the parent who isn’t ready for the book.

Make sure you look at the age recommendations of the book, and remember that it is only a rough guide. You are the best judge of what your child is curious about.

And remember, if a child isn’t ready to understand a concept, such as the scientific details of conception, it will just go in one ear and out the other. They will just forget what they have been told because they don’t understand it.

Getting comfortable

If you need help getting comfortable, then there are a few things that I suggest. Slowly start reading stuff about sex education. You can do this by signing up for weekly information from me, or you can follow me on my Facebook page, where I post multiple articles each day.

The more that you read about sex education, the more comfortable you will begin to feel about the whole thing!

Getting comfortable with sex is a bit like riding a bike – the more you practice, the more confident you get, and before you know it, it’s easy!

Create a ‘book’ routine

If you want conversations to naturally happen throughout your day, (and for sex education to feel easy), then you need to establish a routine for daily reading.

You might find it easier to read together at bedtime. Where you might sit on the sofa together and read a book. Or you might tuck them into their bed and read to them there. Do what works best for you.

Or you might find it easier to read together during the day. Pick a time that works for you and stick to it. It might be before (or after lunch), after their bath or after dinner. 

When you find a time that works, make sure you stick to it. The idea is that storytime is incorporated into your daily routine, so that it always happens.

When choosing books, it works better if you are both choosing books. This way you’ll both end up with the book you want. And they are less likely to say no to the book you have chosen. Kids can sometimes find educational books a bit boring. I used to rotate through my sex education books, so that we would talk about a different topic each night.

And if there was a topic that I especially wanted to talk about e.g. body safety, then I would read those books for a couple of days.

And don’t forget to ask the Librarian at your Public Library for recommendations from their collection. They are a wealth of knowledge that we often forget about. And library books are a great way to introduce new books without having to buy them!

Now don’t forget!

There is more to sex education than buying a sex education book and handing it over to your child to read by themselves.   You still need to talk about the messages inside of the book. This is your opportunity to talk about what your values and beliefs about sexuality are.

A tip

Eventually, children reach an age where they start to say no to the books you choose. So, save yourself some future conflicts by starting this habit early.

You both choose a book to read. You choose a book, and your child chooses a book. This way, you both end up being happy. You can also continue using story time to teach sex education.

You take it in turns to choose a book. Alternate it so that you both can choose what book to read. You may have to lay a few ground rules, like no complaining about the book the other person chose!

Recommended books

You can find some of my favourite sex education books I recommend to parents in my list of sex education books.

I hope that helps you out with reading sex education books to your child.

Happy talking!
❤️ Cath

More sex education resources