Talking About Puberty with Your Trans & Non-Binary Child

Puberty can be a confusing and emotional time for any young person. For trans and non-binary kids, it can come with added layers of stress, discomfort, and questions. As a parent, your support, understanding, and open-hearted communication can make all the difference. This guide is here to help you navigate those conversations with warmth, respect, and confidence.

You’ll find more information about sex education in my Sex Education 101 page.

Let’s get started!

1. Start with Love and Openness

Before you even talk about bodies or changes, make it clear that:

• You love them unconditionally.
• You believe them when they tell you who they are.
• You are committed to learning alongside them.

Let your child know that they can come to you with anything, especially the uncomfortable stuff, and that you’ll be there without judgment.

Try saying:
“Whatever your body goes through, who you are doesn’t change in my eyes. You are you, and that’s exactly who you’re meant to be.”

2. Explain What Puberty Is In Gender-Inclusive Terms!

Use simple, inclusive language to explain puberty. Instead of tying body changes directly to gender (e.g., “girls get periods”), focus more broadly on bodies doing certain things.

Say:
“Puberty is a time when your body starts to grow and change. Everyone’s body does it a little differently. Some people grow breasts, some people grow facial hair, some people get taller, it’s just your body getting ready for adulthood.”

Avoid:
Associating body changes with gender (E.G., “boys’ voices deepen, girls get hips”), which can feel invalidating to trans and non-binary kids.

3. Address Body Changes Honestly – With Options

Be upfront about what changes might come based on the body they were born with, but also let them know they have choices!

For trans boys and AFAB (assigned female at birth) non-binary kids: Talk about things like breast growth, periods, and hip development. Let them know there are options like binders, period-suppressing methods, and eventually, puberty blockers or hormone therapy if they choose that path.

For trans girls and AMAB (assigned male at birth) non-binary kids: Discuss things like voice deepening, facial/body hair, and genital development. Again, explain that there are tools like voice training, hair removal, and medical options to pause or adjust some physical changes.

Frame it like this:
“Your body might start doing some things that don’t feel right to you, and that’s okay. There are ways we can help make things more comfortable and in line with who you are..”

4. Emphasise That Puberty Doesn’t Define Their Gender

Remind your child that going through certain physical changes doesn’t “cancel out” who they are.

Reassure them:
“You don’t have to look or sound a certain way to be the gender you know yourself to be. You’re valid just as you are.”

5. Introduce Medical and Non-Medical Supports Without Pressure

Talk about puberty blockers and hormones as tools, not requirements. These can be powerful ways to give your child more autonomy and control over their development, but its important to acknowledge that they’re deeply personal decisions.

Include:

• What blockers do (pause puberty)
• How long they last
• That they’re reversible
• Who they’d need to talk to (doctors, therapists)
• That there’s no rush

Also mention non-medical supports like:

• Binders
• Voice training
• Haircuts
• Clothing that affirms their identity
• Support groups

6. Use the Right Language—and Let Them Lead

Make an active effort to use the pronouns and name your child asks for. It’s one of the most affirming things you can do!

If you make a mistake:

• Gently correct yourself
• Don’t over-apologise or make it about you
• Keep practicing!

Ask how they’d like to talk about their body:

• Some kids like anatomical terms
• Others prefer nicknames or metaphors
• Some might not want to talk about certain parts at all

Let them set the pace and don’t rush them if they don’t feel ready.

7. Keep the Conversation Going

This isn’t a one-and-done talk. Puberty, identity, and emotions all evolve over time. Keep checking in regularly, and not just when something’s wrong!

Try:
“How are you feeling about your body lately?”
“Is there anything you’ve been wondering about that you didn’t want to bring up?”
“Is there something I can do to help you feel more comfortable right now?”

8. Educate Yourself (So Your Kid Doesn’t Have To)

Learn about trans and non-binary experiences so your child doesn’t always have to be the teacher. There are great books, videos, and online communities for parents.

Recommended Resources:

• PFLAG and Gender Spectrum (online communities and guides)
• The Gender Creative Child by Diane Ehrensaft
• Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill & Lisa Kenney

9. Advocate and Protect

You are your child’s biggest advocate! Help them access affirming healthcare, support them at school, and speak up when they’re being misgendered or treated unfairly.

Your protective love helps them grow up confident, seen, and strong.

Let Them Know They’re Not Alone

Being trans or non-binary is not a problem to be fixed, it’s a beautiful, valid way of being human! Puberty might bring challenges, but with you by their side, your child can face those changes with courage.

Helpful Resources (for you and them):

• Gender Spectrum – Tools for navigating gender and puberty: www.genderspectrum.org
• “The Every Body Book” by Rachel Simon – Inclusive, age-appropriate puberty education
• “You-ology: A Puberty Guide for Every Body” – Friendly, fact-based, and inclusive for all identities

References

https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/pre-teens-gender-diversity-and-gender-dysphoria/gender-identity,-diversity-and-dysphoria-supporting-your-child

https://www.queersexedcc.com/post/gender-expansive-puberty-an-educational-guide

https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article/16/11/1834/6980636?login=false

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/01614681221126243