Let’s talk about where babies come from, as a lot of parents struggle with knowing how to explain it to their child in an age-appropriate way. And it is a conversation we get a lot of questions about in my free Facebook sex education group for parents, that parent group.
‘Where do babies come from?’ is one of those questions that most parents will be asked at some time and place.
And if you’re lucky, you won’t be asked whilst you’re lined up in a busy queue, waiting to buy icecream! (That’s what happened to me!)
So, if you haven’t already been asked that question, now is the perfect time to get ready before you are asked!
Oh, and if you want to know how to explain how babies are made, that is in it’s blogpost. And if you want to learn more about sex education, then the best place to start is my Sex Education 101 page.
Why do kids want to know?
So why do children like to ask this dreaded question? About where do babies come from?
They ask this question because they are trying to understand where they came from. They want to know where they were before they were born. And working out where babies come from is one of life’s great mysteries that they want to solve.
Plus we know that curiosity about where they came from, is a natural part of child sexual development. Where they start to think about where they were before they were born. Were they a baby too?
And to satisfy their curiosity they’ll begin to ask questions about babies. Because they are trying to understand why they are here ie why they exist.
Children first start to notice pregnancy and babies when they’re around 3 to 4 years of age. And some children may not be curious about where babies come from until they are 4 or 5, or even older. And some kids never ask questions about it at all!
Why you need to answer their question
There are several important reasons why you need to answer the question ‘Where do babies come from’ or ‘Where did I come from?’ when your child asks it.
1. The younger they are, the easier it is to explain
It is much easier to explain sex to children when they are younger. Now relax, as you don’t need to dive headfirst into the sex talk right now. And I’ll get to that very soon!
Explaining sex when kids are younger is easier because the information they need is much simpler. Their questions are more innocent and they just see sex as another thing adult thing that doesn’t make a lot of sense to them!
So when children first start asking questions about where they came from, all they need is their question answered. Whereas a ten year old is more curious about how babies are made, and that is when you do need to talk about sex!
So it is a good idea to start talking about this stuff when they are younger (instead of leaving it until puberty).
And by the time their questions get trickier, and they want to know how babies are made, it’ll be a lot easier as you’ll be a lot more used to talking to them about sex stuff.
2. You want to be their main source of information
Another reason for answering their questions now is because you want to encourage your child to come to you with their questions. If you can start training them to turn to you with their questions now, they’ll grow up knowing that you are a reliable source of information. So when they hear the other children at the park talking about ‘sex’, they’ll know you are the person to turn to with their questions.
As your child grows up, they’ll slowly start to spend more time with other children at places like daycare, school, church, swim lessons, or the local park. This is a good thing as making friends is important, but it also means you can no longer control the information your child receives. I’m sorry to say it, but your child will be exposed to sexual information whether you like it, or not!
So if you want your child to learn about where babies come from and how they are made from you, then you need to be talking to them now, whilst they are curious!
And answering their questions means they receive the right information now!
3. You want to be askable
By ignoring questions about where babies come from (or how they are made), you’re giving your child the unspoken message that you won’t answer questions about sex. And if you won’t answer their questions about sex, then you probably won’t answer their questions about other stuff too!
Which means they’ll stop coming to you with their questions. And it’s possible they’ll also stop telling you about the things that worry them. Which is the last thing any parent wants.
So answering their questions about sex means your child will grow up knowing they can talk to you about anything! And that is a good thing!
How to explain… ‘Where do babies come from?’
When children ask where babies come from, they aren’t asking about sex or how babies are made.
All they want to know is literally, where they actually came from ie where were they before they were born.
And the answer is pretty simple… they came from inside a uterus. It might be your uterus or someone else’s uterus.
If your child grew inside your uterus, you could say ‘You came from a special place inside me, near my tummy.’
Or you could say, ‘You grew inside my uterus. The uterus is a special bag inside my body and it is a place where a baby can grow.’
The answer can be as simple as that. 😌 I can hear your sigh of relief!
And please don’t get worried about having to use the right words. If you want to say uterus you can, but please don’t feel that you have to. Use an explanation that works for you. Personally, I like ‘baby bag’ as the uterus is sort of like a reusable bag that a baby grows inside of! But you can also use ‘special place’, ‘tummy’, and even ‘womb’ if you like!
Use the explanation that feels comfortable for you!
It’s also important to know that your child will probably forget most of what you say anyway! But hopefully, this will be just the first of many conversations you’ll be having about where babies from!
Now…
Most younger children will be satisfied with this amount of information. If they want to know more, then you’ll need to read my blogpost on how babies are made.
Tips to make the conversation easier!
It isn’t about sex! All they want to know where they were before they were born!
Answer their question like any other question. Answer their questions about where do babies come from, just like you would with any other question that they ask you. Like what they’re having for breakfast!
KISS: Keep it simple and short. Just answer their question, check if they have any questions and move on to something else (like a snack or a puzzle).
Don’t stress about saying too much! Luckily for us parents, kids have inbuilt safety switches ie they promptly forget anything that they don’t understand. So you don’t have to worry about sparking their curiosity about stuff that they just aren’t ready for!​​
Is your child ready to know the answer?
If your child has asked the question, then they’re ready for the answer.
If they haven’t asked the question but they are noticing babies and pregnant tummies, then they are ready to know.
And if you’re just not sure, then it won’t harm them to start simply with some basic information.
If they want to know more, then you’ll need to read my blogpost on how babies are made. As it will walk you through the next part of the conversation!
If you are starting to hesitate, then that’s okay. It’s your child and you need to parent them in a way that works for you.
But before you decide to save this conversation for another day, please read this blogpost as it will help you to work out if your child is the right age to talk about the birds and bees. Or I have a quiz that will tell you in two minutes whether they are ready (or not)!
Resources for explaining where babies come from
You aren’t going to be left alone with this conversation, as I have some wonderful resources that will make explaining easier.
There are some wonderful childrens books about where babies come from, and the books in this list are the books that are just about that. So sex isn’t talked about in any of these books!
Sometimes explaining where babies come from is easier with an activity. Paperdoll Families is a set of adult and baby paperdolls, where the adults can be pregnant and feed a baby. And at the back, you’ll find a parent guide with suggestions on what to talk about and how to use the dolls. Plus you’ll also find eight pages of illustrated Q&A that you can use to help explain as well as answer their questions. Designed to be coloured, cut and stuck together, it’s a refreshingly inclusive version of the classic craft activity!
I also have a parent guide to help you explain sex in five simple steps. It’s designed to get you started with this sometimes tricky conversation.