Let’s talk about grooming, as we get the occasional question about it in my free Facebook sex education group for parents, that parent group. And it is a topic that parents should be aware of and talking about with their kids. As the earlier you start talking, the safer your children will be!
But before we start, let’s look at what grooming is and some of the terms that are used…
Grooming is when a person prepares a child and their parents, carers and environment for sexual abuse. It involves building a trusting relationship with a child or family over many weeks, months and years. This allows the person who is grooming to spend more and more time with the child and lay the groundwork for future sexual abuse. Grooming can happen both online and/or in real life with someone your child or family knows.
Online grooming is a new problem, increasing by more than 80% in four years. UNICEF reports that this can be attributed to the global lockdown from COVID-19, which is when children began to spend more time online for their schooling, entertainment and keeping in touch with their friends.
Offline grooming has long been recognised as a way to gain access to a child that you can then sexually abuse. Which is why protective behaviour programs, include strategies to protect children from grooming in real life.
So in this blog post, we will look at what grooming is and why you need to talk about it. And because this isn’t my area of expertise, I’ll be sharing information about grooming from some of my favourite evidence-based websites from around the world. I have found some amazing resources for both children and parents, and I am impressed with the quality of information (and resources) I could find about online and offline grooming for families. Mind you, it has taken me over eight hours of research to find them for you! And I am only sharing the best of what I have found!
Let’s get started!
Comprehensive resources on grooming
These are the grooming resources that are comprehensive and provide more than basic knowledge. These resources also include additional resources like videos, activities, and even a printable picture book for younger children.
Internet.matters.org
internetmatters.org in the UK, has a detailed resource for parents and carers about Online Grooming. I’m quite impressed with what I found here, as it has videos, printables, dramatisations of real events that have happened to children and more. Plus they keep the content relevant with advice for different age groups.
Online grooming is divided into four sections.
Section One | Learn About It, will explain what online grooming is, the incidence, how it happens, where it can happen on the internet, answer FAQs from parents, the law in the UK, and how to recognise if your child is being groomed.
Section Two | Protect Your Child, will show you how to protect your child from being groomed, guide you through the different social networks that are made for children, and show you how to discuss online grooming with your child.
Section Three | Deal With It, will show you what to do if your child is a victim of online grooming, how to report it, when to take immediate action and where to find counselling services (in the UK).
Section Four | Resources, acknowledges there are many organisations and resources available to support families, and provide links to them.
ThinkUKnow
ThinkUknow in Australia, is a comprehensive resource for educators as well as parents and carers about Preventing Online Child Sexual Exploitation. Their goal is to support parents in preventing and managing safety challenges that their child may face, as well as guiding their child to understand these and feel empowered to take action.
There are three sections that are relevant for parents and carers. Myth Buster addresses nine of the most common myths about sexual exploitation. Find Advice with educational content to read and Resources that include fact sheets & guides, activities to do at home, and online learning resources.
The Daniel Morcombe Foundation
This resource isn’t as detailed as the others in this list, but it still provides more than the basics.
The Daniel Morcombe Foundation in Australia, has a simple resource for parents and carers about online grooming called Safe Bedrooms. It contains factsheets and videos about online grooming, and you can also find more info in their Fact Sheets.
This resource covers what grooming is and how to recognise it, healthy & unhealthy relationships, what groomers look like, the stages of grooming, the early warning signs to look out for, how to help your child, why kids may not recognise grooming, deny they are being groomed, how to report grooming and more.
The content is good but this website is not easy to navigate or to find things! You’ll end up with lots of individual tabs that contain PDFs.
Simple resources on grooming
These are simpler resources about grooming that are good to refer to if you are in a hurry.
Darkness to Light
Darkness to Light in the USA, has a simple guide for parents and carers on Grooming and Red Flag Behaviours. This resource is more about grooming that happens in real life, but online grooming is still mentioned.
They cover the stages of grooming, and what red flags to look out for and what actions to take: special attention/preference to a child, gift giving, touching or hugging a child, sympathetic listener, offers to help the family, and gaining access via the internet.
eSafety
eSafety in Australia, has a simple resource for parents and carers about Child Grooming and Unwanted Contact.
It is brief but still has good information about online grooming.
This resource covers what grooming is, how to deal with unwanted contact when online, how online grooming happens, how to protect your child and what to do if something goes wrong, including how to report it (in Australia). Targeted advice is also available for children, young people and adults who may be experiencing unwanted contact. Plus they have a factsheet about Unwanted Contact and Grooming.
NSPCC
The NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) in the UK, has a simple resource for parents and carers about Grooming.
It’s brief and covers the basics of grooming. You won’t find any videos, or activities – just information to read.
This resource covers what grooming is, the different types of grooming, the signs of grooming, the effects of grooming, what to do if a child discloses abuse, the effects of grooming, who is at risk, how to report grooming (if you live in the UK), where to find support, how to prevent grooming and where to find help for people who are, or think they might, sexually abuse a child or young person.
Raising children
Raising Children in Australia, has a simple but thorough one page guide on Grooming: recognising the signs.
This resource covers what grooming is, signs of grooming in children & teens, signs when parents are being groomed, the profile of groomers, how and where grooming may happen, and what to do if you think someone is grooming your child.
The National Office for Child Safety
The National Office for Child Safety in Australia, has a simple resource for parents and cares about both online and offline Grooming.
This resource covers how grooming happens, the signs of grooming, how to prevent grooming, what to do if you suspect grooming, and helpful resources.
Resources for children about grooming
Kids Helpline has an online grooming resource for 5 to 12 years about knowing who to trust online. They also have a resource for 13 to 17 year olds about online grooming, that explains how it happens and how to steer clear of it.
Think U Know is a government funded educational program to prevent online child sexual exploitation. You will find activities, videos, and a picture book and for children aged under 5, 5 to 12 years and 13+ years.
Jack Changes the Game by Tess Rowley (the author of Everyone Has a Bottom) is a free downloadable picture book that was written to help keep children safe online and to prevent online child sexual exploitation. It is designed to be read to five to eight-year-old children by parents, carers and educators.
I don’t have a list of children’s books about grooming, and the only one I am aware of is the free online book, Jack Changes the Game by Tess Rowley. But I do have lists of children’s books about internet safety, child sexual abuse, protective behaviours, sexting, social media safety, media literacy and pornography. I’ve individually reviewed all of these books; each has a video where I show you inside the book.